Super Mom?

So I read an article on Facebook about being your own kind of super mom and not setting yourself up for failure by setting impossible expectations for yourself from the get go. No matter how much I tell myself (or anyone else tries to tell me) I'm a good mother, the fact is, I'm not that great. I yell a lot, I lose my patience easily and while I'm being completely honest, Jeremy does most of the cleaning because I just can't motivate myself to do it most of the time. I spend most of my time trying to keep the boys from killing each other while I try to maintain my sanity through outlets like Pinterest. Pinterest. That's something that is both wonderful and awful at the same time. I love the ideas but I spend all this time pinning things I want to do, but never get around to doing them, and I actually feel guilty! It's almost like that computer game where you create another "you" and you create this whole other cyber life. That's what Pinterest is for me. It's my ideal self. It's someone who sews, paints, has an awesome house,works out like crazy, eats and cooks gourmet food that's healthy, has awesome clothes, is SUPER crafty and can do anything I want with my hair and make up. Wouldn't that be nice?  I think the only thing I can really share on Pinterest is my ability to find funny memes.

If I'm being honest with myself about my imperfections, there are too many to list. I'm NO super mom! I don't know what kind of mom I am. To tell the truth, a lot of people tell me that I must be a great mom to have God send me these two special spirits, but I wonder if I just don't have the right skills to raise a neurotypical child. Sometimes I'm pretty sure my own brain is broken to the point that I don't know if I would be a good mother to a child who doesn't see the world the way my boys do.  In fact I have no IDEA what i would do with a typical child. So am I a good mother? Most of the time I don't think so. I have a day every now and then where I feel like I'm not doing too bad, that day anyway. Today I managed to cook dinner, do some dishes, and I haven't yelled at all today! That's a pretty dang good day for me. (Especially the yelling thing, I don't know why I feel like I have to yell all the time. I guess that I just feel like its the only time anyone actually listens to me!) I promised myself I wouldn't be a mom who yells because my mom yelled a lot, but here I am. That's just another thing I need to work on.

APRAXIA: Ok, so here's what I learned about apraxia. It's a neurological problem where the brain and mouth muscles don't really communicate right and the person can try to talk but the mouth doesn't want to make the right sounds. If this is what's going on with Jackson it would explain why he  seems to have a harder time with speech and feeding and basically making sounds than Braden did. It's going to take a lot of speech therapy to overcome this, if he ever does. We wondered if Braden would ever talk, but with Jackson, that's a real possibility. He may understand more than we know because he just can't express himself. I have a feeling that things might be even tougher with Jackson than with Braden. And I didn't even think that was possible!!