Here we go again!

Today has been long, and emotional for me. We did 4 hours of testing and evaluations with Jackson and several specialists and he has been officially diagnosed with autism. It wasn't really a shock or anything, but I think I was holding out some hope that all we were dealing with was a developmental delay and he would "catch up" eventually and be fine. The speech specialist also said he may have something called apraxia, something I don't really know much about so I'm going to get to do some research on that. We are also going to have to start the search for a speech therapist and an occupational therapist as soon as we get the official reports and go to the pediatrician and get prescriptions for the therapy (yes, you have to get a prescription for ANY therapy).  I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed and sad today. I guess that every parent who faces this diagnosis has to grieve a little for the life they had hoped their child would have.  I went through this with Braden and it still hits me sometimes out of nowhere. I will be talking to a friend or someone and I will realize that my kids may never do some of the things theirs will. Jeremy and I may never have a "retirement" like other people. We may have one or both children living with us the rest of our lives and we may never have grandchildren. The truth is, we don't know what they will grow up to be. There's just no way to predict how far they will get in their development. They can be taught social skills to an extent, but their brains don't work like a typical child's. it was painfully obvious how far behind Jackson is when they asked me to watch a video of a child doing some testing and fill out a questionnaire comparing Jackson's behavior to the child in the video. I had to ask the woman if the child was really Jackson's age, cause it was painfully obvious that Jackson is REALLY far behind. It was a little bit of a slap in the face for me.

Ok, now on to more positive things. I never thought I would be able to have children at all and here I have two boys that are ADORABLE and lovable. Braden is so funny and has such a quirky way of seeing things and is so SMART! Jackson is so shy and sweet and he has a giggle that would make ANYONE smile. I have been so blessed with these two sweet spirits. We learned so much from working through Braden's therapies that we at least know what to fight for and what we need for Jackson. We definitely have new things to learn with Jackson and I am going to be an expert by the end of my life, and I'm out to educate and help others understand autism; from my perspective anyway.

Today has been a long day, but its coming to an end and we'll get up and keep going tomorrow and the next day, and the next... One day at a time.