We lost our speech therapist today due to scheduling complications. Today was SUPPOSED to be Braden's first appointment. I'm just so sad and frustrated and disappointed. I know it's not anyone's fault, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Now I have no idea if we will go back on the BOTTOM of the waiting list, and if we do, Braden will NEVER get a speech therapist! I feel so powerless! People tell me to be an advocate for Braden, but no tells you HOW! I don't mind being the "squeaky wheel" but I'm just not sure WHO to squeak to! I think the WORST feeling any mother can have is KNOWING your child needs help and you CAN'T give it to them. I guess it's just been a rough week, because I'm feeling utterly defeated, and tired and helpless! I hate to be so negative, but I just can't help it right now. And I'm sorry for those of you read my blog and have to listen to me complain. I'm still so grateful for all my blessings, and I know God knows how I feel right now, and I know that this won't last FOREVER, but the prospect of dealing with this for the rest of my mortal life is a bit daunting. I guess it just hits me sometimes how different our life will be now. Will we ever get to the point when we FEEL like a normal family? When we can go to church on Sunday and sit together as a family; without one or both of us having to literally leave the building almost every Sunday because Braden is screaming so loudly, you can hear him from the chapel? I think between this and my infertility, I've NEVER felt "normal". OK, enough of my ranting! I really only wanted to say that I'm sad and disappointed about taking such a huge step back and all of it just came pouring out, SORRY!
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5 comments:
I'm so sorry Emily. Even though you know that things will eventually be ok, it doesn't mean that it's not sometimes really bad until you get there! Keep your head up. You are a great example. I know that you are on such a huge roller coaster with Braden's situation. I'm so sorry for this setback!
Let me tell you I know how you feel. I thought things were finally going good with Ryan he is finally starting to try to talk and he is almost three. He was doing so good with OT then he started school and they said that we didn't qualify for AZLTC. So if we want to keep going to OT we would have to pay out of pocket till our appel. So we are back at square one agian. We keep saying hoepfully something will start going right for us. Sometimes especailly latley it is hard to keep a positve attitude but I just keep trying to do what I know we should do and I know things will get better for us both.
Hey Emily---
So sorry to hear about the Therapist. Did you call azeip? I want to help! My sister in law could help too! Call us!
By the way....I don't know any normal families! And I too have a wiggley, crying, loud child...oh can I relate. Call us! 520-316-6551 I'll ask my speech therapist on Monday if she has suggestions too. I know she lives in Mesa....she might know someone!
Allyson
Emily, you're a strong girl! Hang in there... it'll all work out! Love ya!
Sweetie..I am so sorry! I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, but please know if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here! After all...we are infertility sisters! :-)
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